


Remember Remember

by Ishyc6h12o6



Category: Assassination Classroom
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Trauma, Very light/accidental self harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:02:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27081631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ishyc6h12o6/pseuds/Ishyc6h12o6
Summary: Nagisa is completely fine. He is not worried about getting sick. He is not worry about nightmares. He is not worried about that night. He is not worried about how close he came to dying.He is not worried at all.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 52





	Remember Remember

**Author's Note:**

> I got this story idea from assclasssideblog on tumblr. They are a wonderful artist and I recommend checking them out, especially if you like fanart!

“Then you subtract the y, and are you really not getting this?”

“Shut up Karma not everyone can do complex Logs.” 

Nagisa laughed, swatting at Karma with his partially done maths homework. Karma was (sort of) tutoring him during the lunch breaks. After all, the test was pretty rough this week. 

“That hurt! You’d better apologise” he crooned, poking Nagisas forehead. He flinched away before bending over the work again. 

“No way. Come on Genius, maths”

He quickly sketched out the next question and focused on breathing. Why was it suddenly so difficult? 

“Then you take the 4 and put it in the formula...”

The formula. Right. Was it always this hot? The formula. Which was easy to get as long as he

“Then just take this...”

Just take it, pick it up, it will be ok, his stomach dropped and it will by ok 

“And now it’s over.”

Over? Bright lights and glass breaking by his ears and a thick heavy ness in his mouth his tongue shouldn’t be this heavy 

“I broke my pencil.” He mumbled, staring at the dark smudge in his neat numbers. That wasn’t supposed to happen. Where was his eraser? He needed to sort this out, can’t go wrong like this, where was... 

“Seriously? You can’t do this but you can take down Takaoka-Sensei?”

He ran. 

He locked the bathroom door and crouched against the wall. What was going on? Was he sick? Sticky and sweating he chocked on the air forcing it’s way inside him, too much air filling him up and what was wrong? What had he done? Eating something? Caught a bug? What was inside of him?

The bell rang sometime later. Pulling himself up he washed his face into the sink and fixed his hair. 

Everything is fine.

He nodded along to whatever his mother was saying while spooning some form of vegetable into his mouth. Didn’t really taste of anything, but he wasn’t going to insult her cooking. Chewing was a lot of effort and he needed to focus. Another bite. Then another. Drink to rest. Repeat.

“Are you even listening?” 

He jumped and dropped his spoon. 

“Of course mother. I agree with you”

“I asked if you were feeling ok, you look pale.”

“I’m fine. Very fine. Completely fine”

She raised her eyebrows but went back to her rant about Lucinda in the office. Dammit Lucinda. Whoever that was. Was it time for another bite or a drink?  
It was a drink. Or maybe a bite. But hold on, there was still the rice to contend with. Should he begin on that?   
But was he supposed to drink? He reached for his glass but didn’t life it off the table. Because what if he was taking two drinks in a row?   
Why did he care, this was stupid. It’s just dinner, surely he can eat properly.   
But was it time for a drink?

“Nagisa!” 

He snapped awake. Why was he asleep at the dinner table? That was so rude and against the rules. Mother was going dark and it was all his fault. 

“Apologise. Now. The audacity! You think your tiered? You’ve never seen tiered!”

“I’m sorry mother. I was rude and I shouldn’t have done that”

“Properly”

He carefully moved the plates out of the way and put his hands and head down.

“I am very sorry for sleeping at the table and I won’t ever to it again.”

When he peaked up she was smiling so he sat up and stared at his food. The food dropped in the bowl, the sauce turning It black and rotten. Expect not really because that would be stupid. All the same, it was probably best if you was full now. Time for homework.

He still didn’t understand the logs. Running away from his tutoring session probably hadn’t helped. God he was stupid, why didn’t he get this? It must be easy. Just put the numbers into different numbers and add, or subtract or formulate or give up or multiply or use a calculator? What was there so many choices? All he needed was to put them in their neat lines but he didn’t know how. His hands had red lines from gripping the table but he couldn’t let go. Everything was too tight and nothing was lining up. 

He couldn’t sit up because his back wouldn’t uncurl and his arms were locked straight and his hands wouldn’t let go. 

Just be fixed. Just be fixed! Just work out neatly and be done with it! He’d done all the steps why weren’t the answers right? What had he done wrong?

Takaoka wasn’t even dead!

He tumbled of the chair and stared at the ceiling. The new bite on his arm was bleeding. Purple at the edges. Too tired to get up now. The floor was fine, just for tonight.

Days were nice and neat and orderly. Get up and dress and walk and arrive and listen in class and smile and lunch and train in PE and walk and smile at mother and bite bite drink and repeat and homework and sleep and

Cold concrete on hot skin. Bruises like syrup oozing out of Takaokas hands and he so very nearly won. Nagisa was small and his bones so fragile. Takaoka wanted him to live a few minutes more, plain and simple. That’s the only reason he survived so long. 

If Takaoka decide he was bored only a few seconds sooner then Nagisa would not be here. 

If Terasaka didn’t bring that stun-gun he wouldn’t be here.

If he messed up that clap, stunned too late, too soon, in the wrong place, done the wrong walk, dropped the knife too early, too late. 

Waking up with the helipad lights blurring in his eyes. 

And getting up because he was completely fine. 

One day he was walking home and saw a glass of that useless antidote (because it was useless, they didn’t even need it after all. He got it for nothing. Nothing nothing nothing.) purple and some kid was downing it. 

Of course because it was just grape juice and it was hot. Just a hot day. Very hot in fact, he pulled at his school shirt, which was sticky and the skin under was way too hot. 

It shouldn’t be this hot. 

Best to get home and shower and just sort out his chemistry homework. 

It was very hot so he walked a little faster. Another kid ran past with the anti... nope grape juice. Just grape juice. Just get home and out of the sun. Another one, why was everyone drinking grape juice? What’s there nothing else to drink? Nothing at all? Why was it so hot?

Why couldn’t he slow down? Change fell out of his pocket but he didn’t stop to pick it up. Didn’t stop to breath or see or think just went home very nearly home home and Home.

“Nagisa? Nagisa darling what’s wrong?” 

His mother stared at him as he shook in the hall way.

“Did you run all the way home? Poor darling was someone chasing you?”

She was close to him so he flinched but her hand was so so cold on his face. She was light today, light and right there with him.

“No, no one chased me, I just. It’s just. I’m fine but I’m. I’m.”

His stomach pushed against the inside of his skin, scraping it with grit or old concrete. Tearing from the inside out.

“It hurts” he mumbled, hating how young and small it sounded.

“What hurts darling? Tell me and I’ll make it better. Your stomach?”

He nodded and let her pull him the the couch. She stroked his hair while he put his head on her lap and it helped just a tiny bit. 

“See? All safe. Just a sore stomach, everything will be fine when you wake up. All safe”

It wasn’t. Nothing was safe, he knew that. But right now everything was sore and hot and Mother was soft and cold and he could be a little kid. Just for a few minutes.

The next day Koro-Sensei called him for a private meeting. 

“So, your mother called”

Nagisa eye’d him warily. This could go well or could go badly. Depending on your definition of either word.

“She mentioned you were rather upset yesterday.”

“Mmmm”

“And I want you to know I’m here. You can talk to me”

He nodded but Koro-Sensei didn’t continue. He kept watching him, his face yellow and happy and open. 

“ Well, it’s just..”

Koro nodded. And waited. And smiled. And was right there. He wasn’t going anywhere.

“You see, I think I might be sick.”

“Sick? Why?”

“I just... I can’t breath sometimes. And I’m always too hot. And I can’t sleep properly, so I’m always tired. And sometimes I feel something for no reason and I can’t stop feeling it. Like yesterday, I was so panicked and it was over grape juice. Grape juice! I mean, how stupid do you have to be to panic about grape juice?”

“Why grape juice? Don’t you like it?”

“It’s purple.”

Koro Sensei looked at him and nodded slowly. 

“I think I understand. Were you thinking of another purple thing at the time?”

“Kind of.”

“And that’s what upset you? Not really grape juice.”

“I guess.”

“And you were thinking about another purple thing, a thing you have been thinking about for a while?”

He shrugged, suddenly terrified. After all he was being pretty stupid. If Koro Sensei started laughing he’d probably die right there and then. 

His stomach started scraping again. His skin hot and those lights in his eyes. He shouldn’t have said anything, why did he say something so stupid? Why why why?

“I’d be scared too”

Well. That was unexpected.

“I’m almost invincible, but I wasn’t always. I know what being so close to losing feels like. It is ok you know. A trained soldier wanted you dead. It’s alright to scared, upset.”

He paused and patted Nagisas head.

“Just don’t let it swallow you.”

Nagisas fingers slowly opened and closed In to loose fists by his side.

“I... I’ll try not to let it. Sir.”

“I’m here if you need me. We all are”

Nagisa nodded again, feeling the heat lessening ever so slightly. Felt his stomach stop scratching. It would probably come back. Probably even soon. But he wasn’t the only person who had felt like this. 

He smiled at Koro-Sensei. Right now, for a little while at least, he finally wasn’t scared.


End file.
